Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

I hate the cold.

I hate the cold so much.

I live in Texas. I live in Texas where any hint of cold makes people think the world is about to be sucked into a black hole and all of society is nearing its end and RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE.

I’m not the person who gets her skirt all up in a tizzy and says no to tennis because it’s too cold. I’m the person who doesn’t get to play tennis because everyone else gets their skirts all up in a tizzy because it’s too cold.

The too-cold-to-play-tennis conversation always goes the same way, too:

The World: “Hey, do you guys think it’s too cold to play? Should we reschedule?”

Me: “No, I don’t think it’s too cold to play. Smiley face.”

The World: “Well, I think it’s too cold to play. Let’s reschedule.”

I don’t know why I even bother…

So one of my superpowers is organizing, which just means I’m the sucker who’s willing to do it. I’m party planning for one of my teams – no, I do not party plan for teams I captain; don’t make me hurt you – because it got too painful to take in as 14 people shot random emails to everyone else about their personal availability and what date are we talking about now and I can’t make that date how about this date…

Finally, someone was like, “Uh…Christy?”

And I replied, “Oh, yeah, people, step aside. I gots this.”

Why do I do this to myself?

So I had the team party all set up perfectly. 12 out of 14 people could do this date and time. YES!

Except the weather people thought sleet would come hitting my city that weekend of the party. People freaked out, and we had to cancel.

There was no ice storm that weekend. It. Just. Rained. Way to go, everyone! Thumbs up!! Slow-clapping!!!

I hate the cold.

Of course, I re-planned and had the team party set up perfectly. AGAIN. Once more, 12 out of 14 people could do this date and time. YES!!

A real ice storm hit my area this weekend. The party was cancelled. Again.

I’m trying to reschedule the festivities right now, but if I don’t have 12 people saying they can attend, we’re not having this party. Yes, you heard me. Eventually and inevitably, the post-season team party stops being about the captain and the team – a way to thank her for all she did and to celebrate our accomplishments – and it starts being about me, the party planner, and what I want. Smiley face.

So, yeah, the weather has not been good since Thursday evening. It was so bad nobody had to send a notification asking whether the weather was too cold to play in. There was no driving in these conditions. That’s how bad it was.

Of course, I drove this weekend because that’s just what I do. I learned that my car lets me know when it’s swerving with a nice yellow icon on the dashboard. That was fun.

Unfortunately, I drive a push-button keyless start car. I decided to start my car first and leave it running so it could heat up, went back inside the house, put my keys on the counter to change into warm clothes, went back to my car, and drove off. Without my keys. Yup, yup, that happened. Of course, I turned my car off when I arrived at my destination, went to lock my car with my key fob, and…

Then I walked five miles to a friend’s house (1 mile of it was just me inadvertently walking in a circle) while slip-sliding-falling every other step (you can’t call anyone to come get you if the roads are un-driveable was the logic in my head).

When I finally came home, I promptly got into a fight with a dear friend because I was in a combustible mood and she was dealing with her own set of major issues because of the weather and wasn’t having any of it, either.

I hate the cold.

But let’s not forget the real problem here: I haven’t played tennis since Wednesday. WEDNESDAY. Today is Monday. It’s been nearly a week, you guys.

You know what the cold makes you do? Eat. A LOT. I ate a ton this weekend. I’m eating right now. Do you know when I don’t eat? When I’m playing tennis. I am never eating when I’m playing tennis. THAT’S WHY I PLAY TENNIS.

I finished a book this weekend. I never finish books.

I vacuumed. I did laundry. I talked to my family.

I was on Facebook all weekend long. I’m rarely on Facebook (to save me from myself because it’s too easy of a vehicle for me to cause trouble on). I Like-d everything that came through my news feed. And oh-no-this-is-how-the-trouble-starts, I started commenting on people’s post. I am a goofy FB commenter; I can’t help it, you guys. I’m just drawn that way.

I’m going to start posting random nonsense on people’s timelines if I don’t hit that neon, fluffy, little tennis ball with my racquet soon, people.

Why would I post random nonsense on people’s timelines? WHY NOT. That’s why.

By the way, I don’t have kids, but from what I can tell from Facebook, the point of school is its wonderful built-in babysitting program. So when the weather is collapsing all around us and school gets closed, whoa. It’s like Armageddon for parents. The outrage is pretty spectacular.

Explain to me again why you can’t play tennis in the evenings because of your family…

So look it. I’m clearly downright certifiable because of tennis. I’m even worse without it.

That should be tennis’s new slogan.

Oh, no, I just realized I’ve forgotten how to hit my forehand. Again. Urgh, it took me months to get that forehand back. Do you understand the reason why I play so much tennis is that I actually have a loose grasp on how to play tennis so every second I’m not playing is another grain of my unstable tennis foundation slipping away?

Well the good news is the weather should be fine by tomorrow. Er, at least fine enough for lessons to be held, anyway. The real purpose of tennis lessons, you guys, is to pay someone to play tennis in the cold with you. HAH!

Of course, my coach still might cancel on me because of the low temperatures. Sigh. I hope he doesn’t get his skirt all up in a…